Sorry for the delay in writing another blog, but due to such an overwhelming number of requests (thanks Mom for your e-mail!), I have decided to post again. This time, however, I would like to make this more interactive...
The most difficult form of creativity is humor... (You can use this quote if you like - it's available for a licensing fee of $9.95!). That is why I am asking for your help (plus I know how creative many of you are!)...
What are the questions that you have always wandered about???
Here are a few examples of some questions to get you started...
Where did the dinosaurs go?
What are the words to Louie Louie? (by the Kingsmen)
Paper or plastic?
Should guys use lol when texting?
Does the earth's axis change when more people place their toilet paper rolling from the underside versus over the top?
Who holds the popcorn at the movies during a date?
You get the point... Nothing too serious, just those frequently occurring questions that you have always wandered about.
I will allow a place for you to post these on this blog, or you can send them to me on my Facebook page..
After I have compiled a list, I will place them on a poll for people to vote.
Be creative, and your anonymity will be honored.. I won't write any more names or numbers on the bathroom stalls of public restrooms, I promise!!!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Gramps!!!
You're old!!! I have heard this many times from my children, their friends and even my spouse! I have always thought age was a state of mind...hold on, I forgot what I was thinking... O.K. I remember now. I really don't feel that much different than I did when I was in my twenties. Time seems to be moving faster, I have gained some weight and hair seems to have been redistributed from the top of my head down to my nose and ears (must be happening in the shower!), but other than that I feel pretty good. Until...
Our oldest daughter calls and tells us that her and her husband are expecting their first child together. I am still a young guy at 46 (younger people would disagree), but the prospect of being a grandparent seems to have accelerated the aging process. Maybe it's just the names - Grandpa,Pa Pa,Pappy,Granddad, Grandfather, or my personal favorite "Gramps". If these won't make you feel old, nothing will. Maybe its the cheesy sweatshirts and hats that say "World's Greatest Grandpa" or the ones that have those black & white scanned photos of the grandparent and/or grandchildren on them.
I have always heard how enjoyable it is being a grandparent. Being able to spoil them and send them home, not having to have the grandchildren follow the same rules as your children, etc. These could provide some great opportunities for me to reclaim some of my childhood.
Maybe it's not about what your called or what you wear, maybe its just about enjoying where you are in life and what you have been blessed with! Did it really take me being a Grandparent to figure this out??? Sometimes I forget, but maybe that's just a function of old age... Must be time for my nap...
P.S. It's a girl!!!
Our oldest daughter calls and tells us that her and her husband are expecting their first child together. I am still a young guy at 46 (younger people would disagree), but the prospect of being a grandparent seems to have accelerated the aging process. Maybe it's just the names - Grandpa,Pa Pa,Pappy,Granddad, Grandfather, or my personal favorite "Gramps". If these won't make you feel old, nothing will. Maybe its the cheesy sweatshirts and hats that say "World's Greatest Grandpa" or the ones that have those black & white scanned photos of the grandparent and/or grandchildren on them.
I have always heard how enjoyable it is being a grandparent. Being able to spoil them and send them home, not having to have the grandchildren follow the same rules as your children, etc. These could provide some great opportunities for me to reclaim some of my childhood.
Maybe it's not about what your called or what you wear, maybe its just about enjoying where you are in life and what you have been blessed with! Did it really take me being a Grandparent to figure this out??? Sometimes I forget, but maybe that's just a function of old age... Must be time for my nap...
P.S. It's a girl!!!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Ernesto Kidnapped!!!
WARNING! WHAT YOU ARE SEEING AND ARE ABOUT TO READ MAY BE TOO DISTURBING FOR CHILDREN UNDER 13 YEARS OF AGE.
Well, our worst fears have come true. Ernesto the sock monkey's popularity and fame has caused him to become a target for ransom. We received in the mail the above photo along with some of Ernesto's stuffing. We are told that he was tortured - instead of water boarding he was stretched on a loom. We are not sure the group responsible for this terrible crime, but we suspect some type of guerrilla terrorists. The reason for our suspicion is their initial ransom request is for twelve, unmarked bananas. I guess they mean we need to peel the "Chiquita" label off of the bananas. We will do whatever it takes to bring back our Ernesto :(
Thursday, February 25, 2010
SQUIRREL!!!!!
In one of my favorite movies, Christmas Vacation, I can still hear Clark W. Griswold's Father yelling out SQUIRREL!!!!!! as the brown rodent darted out from the second family Christmas tree placed in their living room. The reactions of family members as some fainted, screamed, and hid in fear of the rabid squirrel were quite hilarious. I had an encounter with a squirrel that left me with a similar response...
I like animals. I really do. This is what prompted me to take pity on a "homeless" squirrel at a park one summer day. I went down to the park for lunch with my typical fast food fare (I believe Dairy Queen(D.Q.)) on a Friday afternoon. A beautiful sunny day, a break from work before the weekend, and a flame broiled burger, fries and hot fudge sundae. It just doesn't get any better than this. Or so I thought...
I decided to share my cornucopia of good fortune with a scrawny, brown squirrel I'll call Rex (I have chosen to withhold his real name to protect his reputation due to his recent visit to the state penitentiary). Rex was obviously in need of sustenance. The curvature of his back showing through his coarse brown hair and his haunting, shallow beady eyes indicated the lack of a good meal. I started by throwing a single french fry out on the grass for him to indulge upon. He clearly enjoyed this fry, so I threw out another, and another, and another. The fries couldn't come fast enough for Rex as he drew closer and closer. I started to become uncomfortable as Rex started to invade my "safe" space. I became concerned if I didn't continue his new fry fixation that he might attack, and worst of all, take my hot fudge sundae. I'm sorry, but no one was going to come between me and my hot fudge sundae. Not even a rabid squirrel.
As Rex drew closer, the number of fries left in my super sized order was drawing short. I begin to throw out multiple fries in hopes of distracting him and causing him to pull back on his position he now had negotiated with me. As I threw out additional fries, I soon began to see the bottom of my fry box. I felt a reasonable military tactic would be to provide a distraction by scattering the remaining fries and retreat to the safety of my car. The only problem with this strategy was that my aim in scattering the fries was a bit misguided. Some of the fries fell into the cuff of my pant leg. Rex decided to make sure his plate was completely clean and lunged at my pant leg to fulfill his newly found potato addiction. As he lunged, he sunk his long,rodent teeth into my pant leg that attached him to my cuff. Swinging my leg, Rex acted like a shark that had just tasted blood in the water and would not release. I let out a high pitched scream that rivaled any young teenage girl at a rock concert. I looked at the picnic table and saw my hot fudge sundae and the remainder of my hamburger. I reached for the hamburger and proceeded to hurl the remainder of it like a discus at Rex's head. He released momentarily to indulge in yet another fattening fixation as he went for the hamburger. I seized the moment to retreat to my car, not looking back at the carnage that was assuredly behind me.
As I got back into my car, I felt relief. I could still see rabid Rex ripping into the flame broiled burger that I had hurled at him just a moment ago. But wait... my hot fudge sundae was still sitting on the picnic table. I was not about to relinquish my delectable dessert to this carnivorous squirrel. I needed a plan, a strategy, but quickly...
I reached down below my seat and found an ice scraper. What was I going to do with an ice scraper??? I have no idea, but it seemed like a formidable weapon in this battle over caloric dominance. I opened the door, with ice scraper in hand, and charged "the hill" to take back my hot fudge sundae. The high pitched screams of earlier were replaced with the deep bellowing of the word CHARGE!!! as I set out to reclaim my hot fudge sundae. The determination in my eyes, strength of my voice and quickness of step caused Rex to abandon his smorgasbord in order for me to reclaim my sundae. I haven't seen Rex since, but heard later that he did 3 months prison time (10 years in squirrel time) for abducting some chicken nuggets from a child's Happy Meal.
I like animals. I really do. This is what prompted me to take pity on a "homeless" squirrel at a park one summer day. I went down to the park for lunch with my typical fast food fare (I believe Dairy Queen(D.Q.)) on a Friday afternoon. A beautiful sunny day, a break from work before the weekend, and a flame broiled burger, fries and hot fudge sundae. It just doesn't get any better than this. Or so I thought...
I decided to share my cornucopia of good fortune with a scrawny, brown squirrel I'll call Rex (I have chosen to withhold his real name to protect his reputation due to his recent visit to the state penitentiary). Rex was obviously in need of sustenance. The curvature of his back showing through his coarse brown hair and his haunting, shallow beady eyes indicated the lack of a good meal. I started by throwing a single french fry out on the grass for him to indulge upon. He clearly enjoyed this fry, so I threw out another, and another, and another. The fries couldn't come fast enough for Rex as he drew closer and closer. I started to become uncomfortable as Rex started to invade my "safe" space. I became concerned if I didn't continue his new fry fixation that he might attack, and worst of all, take my hot fudge sundae. I'm sorry, but no one was going to come between me and my hot fudge sundae. Not even a rabid squirrel.
As Rex drew closer, the number of fries left in my super sized order was drawing short. I begin to throw out multiple fries in hopes of distracting him and causing him to pull back on his position he now had negotiated with me. As I threw out additional fries, I soon began to see the bottom of my fry box. I felt a reasonable military tactic would be to provide a distraction by scattering the remaining fries and retreat to the safety of my car. The only problem with this strategy was that my aim in scattering the fries was a bit misguided. Some of the fries fell into the cuff of my pant leg. Rex decided to make sure his plate was completely clean and lunged at my pant leg to fulfill his newly found potato addiction. As he lunged, he sunk his long,rodent teeth into my pant leg that attached him to my cuff. Swinging my leg, Rex acted like a shark that had just tasted blood in the water and would not release. I let out a high pitched scream that rivaled any young teenage girl at a rock concert. I looked at the picnic table and saw my hot fudge sundae and the remainder of my hamburger. I reached for the hamburger and proceeded to hurl the remainder of it like a discus at Rex's head. He released momentarily to indulge in yet another fattening fixation as he went for the hamburger. I seized the moment to retreat to my car, not looking back at the carnage that was assuredly behind me.
As I got back into my car, I felt relief. I could still see rabid Rex ripping into the flame broiled burger that I had hurled at him just a moment ago. But wait... my hot fudge sundae was still sitting on the picnic table. I was not about to relinquish my delectable dessert to this carnivorous squirrel. I needed a plan, a strategy, but quickly...
I reached down below my seat and found an ice scraper. What was I going to do with an ice scraper??? I have no idea, but it seemed like a formidable weapon in this battle over caloric dominance. I opened the door, with ice scraper in hand, and charged "the hill" to take back my hot fudge sundae. The high pitched screams of earlier were replaced with the deep bellowing of the word CHARGE!!! as I set out to reclaim my hot fudge sundae. The determination in my eyes, strength of my voice and quickness of step caused Rex to abandon his smorgasbord in order for me to reclaim my sundae. I haven't seen Rex since, but heard later that he did 3 months prison time (10 years in squirrel time) for abducting some chicken nuggets from a child's Happy Meal.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Planes, Trains & Automobiles
As I travelled to North Carolina for a sales call this week, I reminisced over a few of my memorable travel/selling experiences:
25. Sitting next to a Chihuahua on a flight to L.A.
24. Being solicited by a female in a hotel elevator.
23. Being solicited by a male in a hotel elevator (not the same person as above).
22. Being robbed in a hotel room.
21. Aren't you Nicolas Cage???
20. Setting off the sprinkler system by hanging a shirt on the sprinkler head in a hotel room.
19. Running out of gas.
18. Getting lost in East L.A.
17. Getting lost in East St. Louis.
16. Realizing I had mismatched socks during a customer meeting.
15. Driving the wrong way on the NJ turnpike.
14. Saying "Holy Cow!" to two Indian customers.
13. Spitting raw squid into a napkin (in a dignified manner) during a dinner in Japan.
12. Getting kidney stones on an 8 hour flight from Europe.
11. Having a cockroach run up my leg on an American Airlines flight.
10. Threatening to be shot with a shotgun located behind a buyer's desk when requesting a price increase.
9. Backing over a laptop in a car 30 minutes before the presentation.
8. Listening to the response "Well You Oughta" by a salesperson explaining the reason why a customer should buy our product.
7. Running a toll gate (with the arm still down) in Chicago in my boss's car with my boss sitting next to me.
6. Using my tie for a napkin.
5. Speaking Spanish to a French waiter in France (Si instead of oui).
4. Making shadow puppets before a presentation.
3. Listening (not watching) a college soccer competition (occurring in their underwear)outside my hotel room.
2. Finding out your not the only one with the same hotel key for room 248 at 2:00 a.m.
1. Airplane engine failure on descent into O'Hare Airport.
25. Sitting next to a Chihuahua on a flight to L.A.
24. Being solicited by a female in a hotel elevator.
23. Being solicited by a male in a hotel elevator (not the same person as above).
22. Being robbed in a hotel room.
21. Aren't you Nicolas Cage???
20. Setting off the sprinkler system by hanging a shirt on the sprinkler head in a hotel room.
19. Running out of gas.
18. Getting lost in East L.A.
17. Getting lost in East St. Louis.
16. Realizing I had mismatched socks during a customer meeting.
15. Driving the wrong way on the NJ turnpike.
14. Saying "Holy Cow!" to two Indian customers.
13. Spitting raw squid into a napkin (in a dignified manner) during a dinner in Japan.
12. Getting kidney stones on an 8 hour flight from Europe.
11. Having a cockroach run up my leg on an American Airlines flight.
10. Threatening to be shot with a shotgun located behind a buyer's desk when requesting a price increase.
9. Backing over a laptop in a car 30 minutes before the presentation.
8. Listening to the response "Well You Oughta" by a salesperson explaining the reason why a customer should buy our product.
7. Running a toll gate (with the arm still down) in Chicago in my boss's car with my boss sitting next to me.
6. Using my tie for a napkin.
5. Speaking Spanish to a French waiter in France (Si instead of oui).
4. Making shadow puppets before a presentation.
3. Listening (not watching) a college soccer competition (occurring in their underwear)outside my hotel room.
2. Finding out your not the only one with the same hotel key for room 248 at 2:00 a.m.
1. Airplane engine failure on descent into O'Hare Airport.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
"Ernesto Makes It Big!"
Hangin' out with 'sis
Learning how to drive
Playing Guitar Hero 
Hangin' around
Potty trainingThere's not a prouder moment when one of your children makes it big. My son Ernesto is no exception. We adopted Ernesto when he was just a dirty baby bootie we found in the drawer of an antique dresser. By the way, Ernesto happens to be a sock monkey!
He made it big last weekend when he was featured on the latest Kia car commercial during the Superbowl. He really didn't start his modeling and acting career until I took him to a "bring your children to work" day when I was working for an advertising agency. He was featured on a Christmas card and did some undergarment modeling, but nothing too big.
That's when he decided to move to L.A. to jump start his acting career. His Mom and I were worried, being out in L.A. unsupervised. After all, who would do his laundry (especially his socks!). He got into some trouble and actually got a tattoo sewn on his arm that said "Mom" on it. Mom was not amused. He did manage to stay in touch, but since the commercial we haven't heard as much from him. We have fond memories of him and his siblings that we also raised from booties.
Visit the Kia site to see Ernesto's commercial. I am so proud!
I have also attached some photos of Ernesto during the formative years of his life. I hope you enjoy. Ernesto - if you happen to see this, call your Mother!!!
"I lost my job, my wife left me and the dog died..."
"Would you like me to check your fluid levels?"
I may be showing my age with this reference, but it brings back fond memories of the service provided by the neighborhood gas station. It was a joyful time of my youth, collecting green stamps and getting cheesy B.C. glassware. For those of you youngsters who have absolutely no idea what I am talking about, I will move on to the present. I have encountered some interesting customer service interactions at some of the retail establishments I would like to share. You will have to read on as to how the title of this blog becomes relevant...
I went into a national electronics chain store last weekend, I'll call it the "Buy More", to purchase a computer and various other electronic toys. As I looked upward into the stratosphere to read the aisle identification signs, I was reminded of my first trip to New York City. How in awe I was at the large skyscrapers and buildings as I looked up into the sky. The thoughts of those around me were no where near heavenly as I was cursed for standing in the way of their commute. As I reached the aisle for my first item, I could not seem to locate the model type for which I was looking with no "Buy More" attendant in sight. I proceeded to look at adjacent aisles, but I could not find the item or a "Buy More" attendant. As I went back to the original aisle, I looked heavenward and through the clouds found the item sitting majestically on a shelf above. It was clearly out of reach, but the large, portable ladder happened to be in this aisle. I thought to myself, "should I take advantage of this self-service opportunity or wait for an attendant?" I waited for a few minutes, continued to see no one in sight and seized the moment. I climbed the stairs rapidly, my heart racing as the rebel inside of me grabbed the item off the shelf. As I came down from the ladder, two people were waiting for me at the bottom. Was it the police? Was it the manager? No, not at all. It was two additional customers thinking I was a "Buy More" attendant that could help them with their starving requests for assistance!
As I moved over to the computers, it just continued to get better. I waited for a half hour just to have the privilege of someone taking my name down on a clipboard to be serviced. Sound familiar? It reminded me of the cellular phone store experience all over again. I then proceeded to wait an additional twenty minutes before an attendant came over for assistance. As he approached, he asked how he could help me. I suggested improve their respond time, of which he laughed and said, "Yeah, it is pretty bad isn't it?" As I proceeded to ask him a question on which computer would work best for specific applications, his comment was "Yeah, this one you are looking at will work." Well, at least the 50 minute wait had allowed me to do all of the work and research for the "Buy More" attendant. As he looked up the model, he said that model was currently only available on-line. Great, I thought. All this waiting and I could have been sitting in my chair eating chips and drinking soda making the same insightful purchase decisions. As we found another model and I went to check out, he indicated that his "manager" was willing to provide a $50 discount off of the warranty since I had waited so long. I suggested he knock the $50 off the price of the merchandise to which he replied "I am not authorized to do that". I tried to find a proper venue to complain, but found limited opportunity to feel it would have an impact. They just seemed to large to care...
My banking experiences recently have turned out similarly. The bank, which I will call "2/3 Bank", have sent me on a customer service adventure starting with on-line form letters to a jungle of automated phone service options to representatives accusing me of on-line bank fraud. I remember my first attempt going into a "2/3 Bank". It was a Saturday morning, just after 9:00 a.m., and I pulled repeatedly on the door. "Why was the door stuck?" I wandered. The bank was a new building with a beautiful opening. Someone from inside pointed to the hours of operation sign to which I found that they were only open from 9:30-12:00 on Saturdays. By the way, why would anyone name a bank after a fraction anyway??? Must be related to their service levels... Again, I wanted to find a venue to express my concerns, but felt they were just to big to care...
With all of these service issues, I decided to try an experiment. I would go into local restaurants (yes, I am referring to food again) and see whether attendants were actually listening or cared about my response to them.
I tried this at four different restaurants, from fast food to sit-down environments.
The responses were quite interesting. When they would ask how I was doing, I would reply "Not so good: I lost my job, my wife left me, and the dog died." The responses to these comments varied, with only one actually stopping the ordering process to express empathy. Most either were not paying attention or did not know how to respond to such comments. Now I am not looking for a therapist from a "Taco Bill" attendant, but human nature is fascinating...
I haven't really figured out a way to try to improve the service levels at these retail establishments. I am thinking about writing the Presidents and CEO's my own form letter to see if the impersonal approach works for them...
I may be showing my age with this reference, but it brings back fond memories of the service provided by the neighborhood gas station. It was a joyful time of my youth, collecting green stamps and getting cheesy B.C. glassware. For those of you youngsters who have absolutely no idea what I am talking about, I will move on to the present. I have encountered some interesting customer service interactions at some of the retail establishments I would like to share. You will have to read on as to how the title of this blog becomes relevant...
I went into a national electronics chain store last weekend, I'll call it the "Buy More", to purchase a computer and various other electronic toys. As I looked upward into the stratosphere to read the aisle identification signs, I was reminded of my first trip to New York City. How in awe I was at the large skyscrapers and buildings as I looked up into the sky. The thoughts of those around me were no where near heavenly as I was cursed for standing in the way of their commute. As I reached the aisle for my first item, I could not seem to locate the model type for which I was looking with no "Buy More" attendant in sight. I proceeded to look at adjacent aisles, but I could not find the item or a "Buy More" attendant. As I went back to the original aisle, I looked heavenward and through the clouds found the item sitting majestically on a shelf above. It was clearly out of reach, but the large, portable ladder happened to be in this aisle. I thought to myself, "should I take advantage of this self-service opportunity or wait for an attendant?" I waited for a few minutes, continued to see no one in sight and seized the moment. I climbed the stairs rapidly, my heart racing as the rebel inside of me grabbed the item off the shelf. As I came down from the ladder, two people were waiting for me at the bottom. Was it the police? Was it the manager? No, not at all. It was two additional customers thinking I was a "Buy More" attendant that could help them with their starving requests for assistance!
As I moved over to the computers, it just continued to get better. I waited for a half hour just to have the privilege of someone taking my name down on a clipboard to be serviced. Sound familiar? It reminded me of the cellular phone store experience all over again. I then proceeded to wait an additional twenty minutes before an attendant came over for assistance. As he approached, he asked how he could help me. I suggested improve their respond time, of which he laughed and said, "Yeah, it is pretty bad isn't it?" As I proceeded to ask him a question on which computer would work best for specific applications, his comment was "Yeah, this one you are looking at will work." Well, at least the 50 minute wait had allowed me to do all of the work and research for the "Buy More" attendant. As he looked up the model, he said that model was currently only available on-line. Great, I thought. All this waiting and I could have been sitting in my chair eating chips and drinking soda making the same insightful purchase decisions. As we found another model and I went to check out, he indicated that his "manager" was willing to provide a $50 discount off of the warranty since I had waited so long. I suggested he knock the $50 off the price of the merchandise to which he replied "I am not authorized to do that". I tried to find a proper venue to complain, but found limited opportunity to feel it would have an impact. They just seemed to large to care...
My banking experiences recently have turned out similarly. The bank, which I will call "2/3 Bank", have sent me on a customer service adventure starting with on-line form letters to a jungle of automated phone service options to representatives accusing me of on-line bank fraud. I remember my first attempt going into a "2/3 Bank". It was a Saturday morning, just after 9:00 a.m., and I pulled repeatedly on the door. "Why was the door stuck?" I wandered. The bank was a new building with a beautiful opening. Someone from inside pointed to the hours of operation sign to which I found that they were only open from 9:30-12:00 on Saturdays. By the way, why would anyone name a bank after a fraction anyway??? Must be related to their service levels... Again, I wanted to find a venue to express my concerns, but felt they were just to big to care...
With all of these service issues, I decided to try an experiment. I would go into local restaurants (yes, I am referring to food again) and see whether attendants were actually listening or cared about my response to them.
I tried this at four different restaurants, from fast food to sit-down environments.
The responses were quite interesting. When they would ask how I was doing, I would reply "Not so good: I lost my job, my wife left me, and the dog died." The responses to these comments varied, with only one actually stopping the ordering process to express empathy. Most either were not paying attention or did not know how to respond to such comments. Now I am not looking for a therapist from a "Taco Bill" attendant, but human nature is fascinating...
I haven't really figured out a way to try to improve the service levels at these retail establishments. I am thinking about writing the Presidents and CEO's my own form letter to see if the impersonal approach works for them...
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The "Value Menu" (A Visit To The Wireless Store - The Sequel)
I apologize once again for the McDonald's food reference. I will try and be a bit more creative in the future...
When my daughter & I went to the cell phone store on our follow up trip (after the sticker shock of the initial visit)a few interesting things happened leading up to the event.
Before leaving for the store, I have never seen my daughter so productive in her chores. Water flying as dishes were cleaned, carpeting seen for the first time as dirty clothes were picked up,etc. We were milking this experience for everything it was worth. Asking her to wash & wax the cars was a bit much, but I think her frozen fingers will still be able to text messages. After all, how often does a teenager routinely do their chores?
As she was getting ready, it almost seemed like she was going out on her first date (which by the way won't be until she is 32). She spent an inordinate amount of time primping before the departure. I did not understand this ritual, as the minutes rolled by and I could smell the burnt hair emanating (a word I could only use with the power of spell check) from the crimping iron (ouch! that seems like it has to hurt!). Who am I to understand the female mind... especially a teenage female mind (is it possible?). Maybe because this was the first time she would meet her new phone and everything had to be just right. After all, first impressions and those first few words she would text were so important...
So we get to the store and again are greeted by the clipboard lady - ready to take our name so we can hurry up and wait. As we are waiting, my daughter scans the phones at the entrance of the store that are way too expensive (i.e. Droid)and require an $899.99 per month (did I get my decimal place in the wrong spot?,oh well!) Internet fee. She was quick to point out what a bargain the $29.99 per month unlimited Internet usage on the enV Touch phone she wanted would be in comparison. I wish she applied that type of critical thinking with her school work...
As our name is called and we become one of the "chosen ones", I show my daughter the less expensive phones that do not require Internet access. Feeling fairly confident in my selling abilities, I try and convince her that this way she won't be tempted by having access to the Internet. Let me now introduce Jennifer,our sales representative, into this discussion. A very knowledgeable sales person,who,by no coincidence,happened to own an enV Touch that my daughter wanted. She proceeded to inform the old man (since I was twice her age) that Internet access was still accessible on the basic models, just like the enV Touch, and my daughter could still access it freely. Only freely meant easily, not cheaply. Jennifer explained that the benefit of having the enV Touch would allow for a certain amount of free access in case she did "accidentally" accessed the Internet. "Thank you for that insight" I smirked. My daughter looked over and smiled at Jennifer as if this conversation had been planned out for weeks. I replied, "Fine, we will take the enV Touch with the "Value Menu" Option." She asked what that was, and I told her the $10 per month Internet access. She suggestively sold the $29.99 per month unlimited Internet access option, to which I replied "I don't feel like "Super Sizing" today." She seemed a bit put out with my analogies, but humor and sarcasm were all I knew at this point.
Then the additional waiting began. Since my daughter had been off-line for many days, it seemed that it took several minutes to transfer over all of her unread text messages. Jennifer even seemed surprised at the time and number of messages that were transferring. Actually, Jennifer opened one message by mistake as we were awaiting all of these important trade secrets from the Pentagon to transfer. I volunteered to read the opened message, but received "the look" from my daughter that only a female can give. After the infinite transfer of messages occurred and National Security was once again at a lower alert level, Jennifer was kind enough to be coerced into removing all of the shortcuts to the Internet that were present on the new phone.
My daughter asked in front of Jennifer if I was going to put this experience on my blog. I replied "Certainly". As a result, Jennifer then became more engaged in our conversations. So here is to you Jennifer and may you enjoy your 30 seconds of fame. I knew she was treating me more like a celebrity when she offered me a bag to put the empty phone box to carry it home...
I haven't heard or seen much from my daughter since she got her new phone...
So, as a shameless attempt to interact with her more I asked her to make a "cameo" writing appearance by providing a message to everyone regarding this experience:
"omg i ttly LOVE my new fone!! its awesum!! omg i can color pics 2!! (: im so glad i got rid of the dinaasaur! hahahahahaha! :p"
Eight years of private education and this is how she writes. I am so proud! Actually she writes clearer and is funnier than her dear ol' Dad!
I always "kid" with my kids that tonight is going to be a "board game" night to remind them that we need to spend more time together...
Perhaps a blog for another day...
When my daughter & I went to the cell phone store on our follow up trip (after the sticker shock of the initial visit)a few interesting things happened leading up to the event.
Before leaving for the store, I have never seen my daughter so productive in her chores. Water flying as dishes were cleaned, carpeting seen for the first time as dirty clothes were picked up,etc. We were milking this experience for everything it was worth. Asking her to wash & wax the cars was a bit much, but I think her frozen fingers will still be able to text messages. After all, how often does a teenager routinely do their chores?
As she was getting ready, it almost seemed like she was going out on her first date (which by the way won't be until she is 32). She spent an inordinate amount of time primping before the departure. I did not understand this ritual, as the minutes rolled by and I could smell the burnt hair emanating (a word I could only use with the power of spell check) from the crimping iron (ouch! that seems like it has to hurt!). Who am I to understand the female mind... especially a teenage female mind (is it possible?). Maybe because this was the first time she would meet her new phone and everything had to be just right. After all, first impressions and those first few words she would text were so important...
So we get to the store and again are greeted by the clipboard lady - ready to take our name so we can hurry up and wait. As we are waiting, my daughter scans the phones at the entrance of the store that are way too expensive (i.e. Droid)and require an $899.99 per month (did I get my decimal place in the wrong spot?,oh well!) Internet fee. She was quick to point out what a bargain the $29.99 per month unlimited Internet usage on the enV Touch phone she wanted would be in comparison. I wish she applied that type of critical thinking with her school work...
As our name is called and we become one of the "chosen ones", I show my daughter the less expensive phones that do not require Internet access. Feeling fairly confident in my selling abilities, I try and convince her that this way she won't be tempted by having access to the Internet. Let me now introduce Jennifer,our sales representative, into this discussion. A very knowledgeable sales person,who,by no coincidence,happened to own an enV Touch that my daughter wanted. She proceeded to inform the old man (since I was twice her age) that Internet access was still accessible on the basic models, just like the enV Touch, and my daughter could still access it freely. Only freely meant easily, not cheaply. Jennifer explained that the benefit of having the enV Touch would allow for a certain amount of free access in case she did "accidentally" accessed the Internet. "Thank you for that insight" I smirked. My daughter looked over and smiled at Jennifer as if this conversation had been planned out for weeks. I replied, "Fine, we will take the enV Touch with the "Value Menu" Option." She asked what that was, and I told her the $10 per month Internet access. She suggestively sold the $29.99 per month unlimited Internet access option, to which I replied "I don't feel like "Super Sizing" today." She seemed a bit put out with my analogies, but humor and sarcasm were all I knew at this point.
Then the additional waiting began. Since my daughter had been off-line for many days, it seemed that it took several minutes to transfer over all of her unread text messages. Jennifer even seemed surprised at the time and number of messages that were transferring. Actually, Jennifer opened one message by mistake as we were awaiting all of these important trade secrets from the Pentagon to transfer. I volunteered to read the opened message, but received "the look" from my daughter that only a female can give. After the infinite transfer of messages occurred and National Security was once again at a lower alert level, Jennifer was kind enough to be coerced into removing all of the shortcuts to the Internet that were present on the new phone.
My daughter asked in front of Jennifer if I was going to put this experience on my blog. I replied "Certainly". As a result, Jennifer then became more engaged in our conversations. So here is to you Jennifer and may you enjoy your 30 seconds of fame. I knew she was treating me more like a celebrity when she offered me a bag to put the empty phone box to carry it home...
I haven't heard or seen much from my daughter since she got her new phone...
So, as a shameless attempt to interact with her more I asked her to make a "cameo" writing appearance by providing a message to everyone regarding this experience:
"omg i ttly LOVE my new fone!! its awesum!! omg i can color pics 2!! (: im so glad i got rid of the dinaasaur! hahahahahaha! :p"
Eight years of private education and this is how she writes. I am so proud! Actually she writes clearer and is funnier than her dear ol' Dad!
I always "kid" with my kids that tonight is going to be a "board game" night to remind them that we need to spend more time together...
Perhaps a blog for another day...
Saturday, January 23, 2010
"Super Sizing" Is Alive & Well
We went to the "wireless" store recently to purchase a new phone for my daughter. Now I know a lot of people that were outraged when the fast food restaurants went to "super sizing" their meals. It was "irresponsible" to place in front of a consumer a choice for additional calories and fat grams. The experience that I was about to encounter seemed hauntingly familiar...
I should have known we were in trouble as we entered the store and someone with a clipboard greeted us to humbly submit our request for service. A helpful addition would have been a "1 hour wait from this point" sign you normally see posted at Disney World. I thought I would receive a "Fast Pass" based on a cellular phone bill that rivals my mortgage payment or at least Platinum club membership with some type of "red carpet" service isle. Based on what I was hearing from people in the store,however, my payment plan paled to the comparison of others. The new phone my daughter wanted was the enV Touch. Which, I am told, has a particular screen size, certain keyboard, blah,blah,blah...(the fact that I even know the type of phone qualifies me for the Dad Hall of Fame.) We waited to purchase it so it could be an "upgrade" on our existing contract. The early visit to the store was prompted by her deciding to take her other phone "scuba diving" and thus rendering it incapacitated. My wife also wanted a different phone and she and my son also received new phones (not sure if it was part of an upgrade as I tried to distance myself from the entire cellular shopping experience. Actually, shoe and clothing shopping is a more pleasant experience).
We spent 1 1/2 hours in this store exchanging phones, discussing wireless plans and trying to figure out how not to pay for Internet access for my daughter's new phone. Due to it being a certain type of phone, Internet service is now required at $10 per month (to send 3 e-mails) or, of course, the unlimited or "super sized" service for $29.95 per month. This is for the service, not for the price of the phone! Having a 13 year old daughter, you do not put Internet service on her phone with the ability to only send 3 e-mails per month for risk of seeing a $500 or $600 additional monthly phone bill. "Can we disable this function?" I asked naively. "No". Can the service turn off if she reaches her limit?" "No". The real answer based on technology is "Yes", it is just not a service they choose to offer. They understand if they place these "delicacies" in front of us as Americans we will more likely choose the greater option. So, being a responsible shopper(but an unpopular parent),we looked at other phones that do not require wireless service. It's like comparing a Big Mac to a Fruit N' Yogurt parfait. As Clara Peller used to say "Where's the Beef?"
While we did not make a decision on the phone that night, bringing back the $5 "super sized" value meal only seems appropriate. So if our government officials want to charge us a "fat tax" for the excessive calories we consume, why not just add on a "chat tax" for the excessive words we communicate on our phones as well. Maybe we can eat and talk our way out of the federal deficit...
I should have known we were in trouble as we entered the store and someone with a clipboard greeted us to humbly submit our request for service. A helpful addition would have been a "1 hour wait from this point" sign you normally see posted at Disney World. I thought I would receive a "Fast Pass" based on a cellular phone bill that rivals my mortgage payment or at least Platinum club membership with some type of "red carpet" service isle. Based on what I was hearing from people in the store,however, my payment plan paled to the comparison of others. The new phone my daughter wanted was the enV Touch. Which, I am told, has a particular screen size, certain keyboard, blah,blah,blah...(the fact that I even know the type of phone qualifies me for the Dad Hall of Fame.) We waited to purchase it so it could be an "upgrade" on our existing contract. The early visit to the store was prompted by her deciding to take her other phone "scuba diving" and thus rendering it incapacitated. My wife also wanted a different phone and she and my son also received new phones (not sure if it was part of an upgrade as I tried to distance myself from the entire cellular shopping experience. Actually, shoe and clothing shopping is a more pleasant experience).
We spent 1 1/2 hours in this store exchanging phones, discussing wireless plans and trying to figure out how not to pay for Internet access for my daughter's new phone. Due to it being a certain type of phone, Internet service is now required at $10 per month (to send 3 e-mails) or, of course, the unlimited or "super sized" service for $29.95 per month. This is for the service, not for the price of the phone! Having a 13 year old daughter, you do not put Internet service on her phone with the ability to only send 3 e-mails per month for risk of seeing a $500 or $600 additional monthly phone bill. "Can we disable this function?" I asked naively. "No". Can the service turn off if she reaches her limit?" "No". The real answer based on technology is "Yes", it is just not a service they choose to offer. They understand if they place these "delicacies" in front of us as Americans we will more likely choose the greater option. So, being a responsible shopper(but an unpopular parent),we looked at other phones that do not require wireless service. It's like comparing a Big Mac to a Fruit N' Yogurt parfait. As Clara Peller used to say "Where's the Beef?"
While we did not make a decision on the phone that night, bringing back the $5 "super sized" value meal only seems appropriate. So if our government officials want to charge us a "fat tax" for the excessive calories we consume, why not just add on a "chat tax" for the excessive words we communicate on our phones as well. Maybe we can eat and talk our way out of the federal deficit...
Sunday, January 17, 2010
"Would You Like Fries With That?"
In my younger days as a teenager (a long, long, long time ago) I worked at McDonald's. Most people today would make fun of this job. However, I found it to be a very worthwhile experience. I learned to multi-task, the value of quality, consistency, hard work and a paycheck. But most of all, I learned the value of a customer and how to deal with a wide range of personalities. My favorite and least favorite role while working at McDonald's was drive-thru (yes there were cars then). The drive-thru role required a clear voice, patience and excellent customer service skills. Customers felt bolder and were typically more demanding on a speaker phone than being face-to-face over a counter. As a result, listening skills and an understanding of the value of a customer were critical in this role. As part of our training, suggestive selling was mandated. If a customer just ordered a sandwich or a drink, we were trained to ask if they would like additional menu items such as french fries. I usually suggested french fries since they were the best item on the menu. So, as part of my order response routine (in front of my managers anyway), I would ask the customer if they "would like fries with that" as part of their order. Much to my surprise, about 5-10% of my requests would turn into a successful sale. Now most of you would say that a 90-95% rejection rate is something you would never be able to withstand as part of your personality. Little did I know that this experience would be the beginning of my sales and marketing career.
The term " Would You Like Fries With That?" also became the mantra I have used with my children when they under-perform or show a lack of motivation in their academic endeavors. Simply stated, I did not want them working an hourly job at McDonald's because they did not have the motivation to try in school. I have nothing but fond memories of my job at McDonald's (except when someone with a machete came through drive-thru late one evening) and it taught me a lot. To this day, I am a frequent visitor of McDonald's (and to every one's surprise have managed to avoid joining the obesity epidemic). But instead of an employee, I am a stockholder. As a teenager, my son currently works at McDonald's just like Dad. I am hopeful that he also will be a shareholder when he gets older.
The term " Would You Like Fries With That?" also became the mantra I have used with my children when they under-perform or show a lack of motivation in their academic endeavors. Simply stated, I did not want them working an hourly job at McDonald's because they did not have the motivation to try in school. I have nothing but fond memories of my job at McDonald's (except when someone with a machete came through drive-thru late one evening) and it taught me a lot. To this day, I am a frequent visitor of McDonald's (and to every one's surprise have managed to avoid joining the obesity epidemic). But instead of an employee, I am a stockholder. As a teenager, my son currently works at McDonald's just like Dad. I am hopeful that he also will be a shareholder when he gets older.
The "Red Lipstick" Incident
As none of you know, I have a tendency to enjoy eating during the holidays. Actually, it is not really limited to a seasonal enjoyment! Anyway, during the holiday season I was asked to go to the store and pick up a few essential staples (milk, eggs, etc.). With my love of food, this can be quite an expensive and caloric adventure. Before I worked my way to the back of the store to get the essential items of milk and eggs, I found myself distracted with one of my many weaknesses. Actually, grocery stores and casinos are not all that different. They know to put the lower margin products toward the back of the store and put the higher margin, impulsive purchases like floral items at the front of the store. Casinos pump you full of cheap, watered- down drinks and tantalize you with strategically placed slot machines paying off near the entrance in hopes of enticing you into believing you will be the next big winner. But I digress... One of my many weaknesses are OREO cookies. I cursed the day when Nabisco came out with Double Stuff OREO cookies... Being the holiday season, they had OREO Double Stuff cookies in festive colors including snowflakes and snowmen printed on the chocolate cookie as well as bright red fillings. The filling called out to me as I rationalized the purchase by thinking it was almost vegetable-like... At this point, it seemed like a Norman Rockwell moment to indulge in such an American classic decorated for the holidays. After all, what was I going to do with all the milk I was going to purchase anyway? As I went ahead and selected the items on my list, I worked my way back to the front of the store. A bit A.D.D., I found myself distracted by the beautiful flowers and decided to add them to my cart. What a nice husband, I thought...
The drive home was a long one. Maybe 8 minutes or so... I happened to place the OREO's, the Double Stuff OREO's with the red filling, next to me in the front seat. It seemed like a shame not to let them sit up front with me. As a matter of fact, it seemed a shame to not enjoy these festive cookies on the scenic sleigh ride home. As I began to indulge in one of my favorite snacks (eating the filling first, of course), I unfastened the safety belt that protected them and had my first, second and third cookie. Three was not a charm as I dropped the filling (the red filling) onto the top part of my tan shirt. I tried to pick it off with my finger, but managed to smear it further on my shirt. I looked down and realized that it resembled a certain shade of lipstick branded "sleeping on the couch tonight" by Revlon. I was sure that my wife would understand that it was merely just a brief encounter- a brief encounter with shortening, sugar and food coloring.
As I entered the house, I was sure that this incident was surely to be forgiven. After all, she new how many encounters I have had with shortening, sugar and food coloring before. As I approached the kitchen, I decided to be upfront and share the unfortunate incident with honesty and integrity. My daughter and several of her friends (staying overnight from a sleepover) found the incident amusing until... I pulled out the bouquet of flowers I had purchased on impulse at the front of the grocery store. These flowers carried with them the fragrance of guilt as my daughter's friends changed their expressions of laughter to groans of uneasiness. The words "you are in so much trouble" rang out from one of the girls, although I do not remember which one since the event occurred in slow motion. Fortunately, she knew my love for food, and upon examination, realized that it didn't look as much like lipstick after all...
The drive home was a long one. Maybe 8 minutes or so... I happened to place the OREO's, the Double Stuff OREO's with the red filling, next to me in the front seat. It seemed like a shame not to let them sit up front with me. As a matter of fact, it seemed a shame to not enjoy these festive cookies on the scenic sleigh ride home. As I began to indulge in one of my favorite snacks (eating the filling first, of course), I unfastened the safety belt that protected them and had my first, second and third cookie. Three was not a charm as I dropped the filling (the red filling) onto the top part of my tan shirt. I tried to pick it off with my finger, but managed to smear it further on my shirt. I looked down and realized that it resembled a certain shade of lipstick branded "sleeping on the couch tonight" by Revlon. I was sure that my wife would understand that it was merely just a brief encounter- a brief encounter with shortening, sugar and food coloring.
As I entered the house, I was sure that this incident was surely to be forgiven. After all, she new how many encounters I have had with shortening, sugar and food coloring before. As I approached the kitchen, I decided to be upfront and share the unfortunate incident with honesty and integrity. My daughter and several of her friends (staying overnight from a sleepover) found the incident amusing until... I pulled out the bouquet of flowers I had purchased on impulse at the front of the grocery store. These flowers carried with them the fragrance of guilt as my daughter's friends changed their expressions of laughter to groans of uneasiness. The words "you are in so much trouble" rang out from one of the girls, although I do not remember which one since the event occurred in slow motion. Fortunately, she knew my love for food, and upon examination, realized that it didn't look as much like lipstick after all...
"I Don't Like You!"
As the Father of a thirteen year old daughter, these words are music to my ears! For those of you who are parents, you know alternative words that are far worse. These alternative words strike a chord of fear in the hearts of every parent. The words “I hate you!” are on the top ten list of statements you never want to hear in your life just like “We can still be friends” (maybe more on this statement in a future blog). Some of you as parents are saying, "My child would never say these words to me". If this is true, cherish these moments. Some children show their emotions openly while others…get even… I mean keep their emotions to themselves. As a child, I would never have dreamed of openly verbalizing opposition to my parents for fear of harsh retribution. Ahhh! Fear and respect – those were the good ol’ days! But I digress... Even though I didn’t outwardly express my feelings of anger and disappointment with my parents (and yes, there were many), I always new they loved me and had my best interests in mind. I held on to these thoughts even in my most difficult times. I am hopeful that my daughter also holds on to this unconditional, fundamental truth during her moments of doubt. It s almost 12:00 p.m. (noon) and she is just waking up. I hope that my taking her bedroom door off its hinges from her slamming it last night doesn’t elevate her to using the “H” word. Uh-oh… I hear her calling me now… !!!DAD!!!
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