"I lost my job, my wife left me and the dog died..."

"Would you like me to check your fluid levels?"
I may be showing my age with this reference, but it brings back fond memories of the service provided by the neighborhood gas station. It was a joyful time of my youth, collecting green stamps and getting cheesy B.C. glassware. For those of you youngsters who have absolutely no idea what I am talking about, I will move on to the present. I have encountered some interesting customer service interactions at some of the retail establishments I would like to share. You will have to read on as to how the title of this blog becomes relevant...

I went into a national electronics chain store last weekend, I'll call it the "Buy More", to purchase a computer and various other electronic toys. As I looked upward into the stratosphere to read the aisle identification signs, I was reminded of my first trip to New York City. How in awe I was at the large skyscrapers and buildings as I looked up into the sky. The thoughts of those around me were no where near heavenly as I was cursed for standing in the way of their commute. As I reached the aisle for my first item, I could not seem to locate the model type for which I was looking with no "Buy More" attendant in sight. I proceeded to look at adjacent aisles, but I could not find the item or a "Buy More" attendant. As I went back to the original aisle, I looked heavenward and through the clouds found the item sitting majestically on a shelf above. It was clearly out of reach, but the large, portable ladder happened to be in this aisle. I thought to myself, "should I take advantage of this self-service opportunity or wait for an attendant?" I waited for a few minutes, continued to see no one in sight and seized the moment. I climbed the stairs rapidly, my heart racing as the rebel inside of me grabbed the item off the shelf. As I came down from the ladder, two people were waiting for me at the bottom. Was it the police? Was it the manager? No, not at all. It was two additional customers thinking I was a "Buy More" attendant that could help them with their starving requests for assistance!

As I moved over to the computers, it just continued to get better. I waited for a half hour just to have the privilege of someone taking my name down on a clipboard to be serviced. Sound familiar? It reminded me of the cellular phone store experience all over again. I then proceeded to wait an additional twenty minutes before an attendant came over for assistance. As he approached, he asked how he could help me. I suggested improve their respond time, of which he laughed and said, "Yeah, it is pretty bad isn't it?" As I proceeded to ask him a question on which computer would work best for specific applications, his comment was "Yeah, this one you are looking at will work." Well, at least the 50 minute wait had allowed me to do all of the work and research for the "Buy More" attendant. As he looked up the model, he said that model was currently only available on-line. Great, I thought. All this waiting and I could have been sitting in my chair eating chips and drinking soda making the same insightful purchase decisions. As we found another model and I went to check out, he indicated that his "manager" was willing to provide a $50 discount off of the warranty since I had waited so long. I suggested he knock the $50 off the price of the merchandise to which he replied "I am not authorized to do that". I tried to find a proper venue to complain, but found limited opportunity to feel it would have an impact. They just seemed to large to care...

My banking experiences recently have turned out similarly. The bank, which I will call "2/3 Bank", have sent me on a customer service adventure starting with on-line form letters to a jungle of automated phone service options to representatives accusing me of on-line bank fraud. I remember my first attempt going into a "2/3 Bank". It was a Saturday morning, just after 9:00 a.m., and I pulled repeatedly on the door. "Why was the door stuck?" I wandered. The bank was a new building with a beautiful opening. Someone from inside pointed to the hours of operation sign to which I found that they were only open from 9:30-12:00 on Saturdays. By the way, why would anyone name a bank after a fraction anyway??? Must be related to their service levels... Again, I wanted to find a venue to express my concerns, but felt they were just to big to care...

With all of these service issues, I decided to try an experiment. I would go into local restaurants (yes, I am referring to food again) and see whether attendants were actually listening or cared about my response to them.

I tried this at four different restaurants, from fast food to sit-down environments.
The responses were quite interesting. When they would ask how I was doing, I would reply "Not so good: I lost my job, my wife left me, and the dog died." The responses to these comments varied, with only one actually stopping the ordering process to express empathy. Most either were not paying attention or did not know how to respond to such comments. Now I am not looking for a therapist from a "Taco Bill" attendant, but human nature is fascinating...

I haven't really figured out a way to try to improve the service levels at these retail establishments. I am thinking about writing the Presidents and CEO's my own form letter to see if the impersonal approach works for them...